Change Can Be Amazing

changes next exit



Being honest on every level is the only option if success is something we want in all the different aspects of our lives. If your life is not exactly the way you want it, then change it! I know that can be a lot easier said then done, but really, honestly, that’s what it takes; and it’s not pretty or pleasant many times! But its made worse by putting it on the back burner, so don’t waste time hesitating to acknowledge that, because you cannot benefit from avoidance, and CHANGE CAN BE AMAZING!!! It’s a heavy subject, but try to stick with this message through the uncomfortable parts if there are any. Every one has their own ideas about faith, and I will admit that this post is quite a heavy subject, but its all about joy in troubled times, and about being honest in our life and in our faith.  🙂  rather than in what you actually see with your eyes; rather very much something unseen, just felt. It’s having faith, and trust in something you believe in no matter what, a knowing; and it’s important to be sure of that. That is because believing that you know TRUTH IS THE KEY, truth is always the key; the only thing that works.  And then when you reach out to God, whatever way you may do that, that too is key. Do it for yourself, and know that you are worth it! God thinks you are that’s for sure 🙂

I know that because of what He has actually done for me through out my life, and believe me as you get to know me through this blog, you will see just how God helps always and never fails. It shows me that I can do it with His help, then I know that anyone can!! So do it because it is too vital not to, because it’s way too essential to ignore; and the combination of those 2 things, truth & God; that is truly what works!

I have to add that because people will sometimes ask when we’re talking “why do you mention God so often?”. My answer is simple and always the same; “I have to, and I want to with all my heart! I’ve learned many times the hard way, but I’ve learned what works. God works, and in such an amazing way, in all things. So in every issue, crisis, need for strength or wisdom; literally anything I’ve ever needed to understand and/or make decisions about, I always, and I am being honest when I say always & literally, all the time start my newest conversation with God, who I’ve come to feel I can tell anything to.

This is much to my husband’s dismay some times lol, because he’s not always down with my mode of operation when I feel survival or change; anything really. That has never stopped helping me feel better; to sit down, paper and pen, and bible, and literally just hold them….. waiting…. and then it will come, once in awhile I end up just sitting still, no writing, no reading, just closing my eyes and breathing in as I think about all that I have gone through and survived, and I am overcome by thankfulness and gratitude and that becomes my starting point, then the next thing I know I’ve written quite a lot, but what a relief I feel afterward, that feeling of peace comes over me and it keeps me coming back to those still, quiet moments with God, and its the one thing that I can say is consistent, as in every single time, and God has never failed me, since I started doing that at age 11. It’s the only thing I’ve ever known to do, and I know it works….so I have only one answer, GOD.

For me, and I know many will not share this belief which is totally ok, but its the only thing that has ever worked and I’ve had to reboot myself and/or my life, thus my family’s lives as well, so many times, too many times! Reaching out to God is the one thing that every issue in every aspect of my life have in common. That is why I love sharing testimonies with everyone I can! God has done so much for me, I can’t help but constantly try to find ways to serve him, to share the good news! My message is not like the old “fire and brimstone” kind, do this or that or go to hell…. no way cuz that can’t help, period, God has been the one source of all that is wonderful in our life.  My husband and I work at it too, but we have to rely on God with everything, because over the years of seeing it through all the way, the let go and let God concept, that process; every time the outcomes are always less painful, and sometimes painless…. and that is why I’ve come to believe it works. I have also had many people ask me why I think God is male?  I just always have felt that in my spirit, but it’s not what God looks like to me, I don’t visualize Him really, I do visualize Jesus at times, but mostly I just visualize things getting better; and as I see it in my minds eye I know, even when its unclear what an outcome is, its always with absolute faith in what has never failed. It’s also directly correlated to what I feel in my mind and heart, and see as my relationship with Him.

I think it’s a talk we have to have with ourselves frequently. I’ve learned that it’s what makes it possible for us to be able to receive the strength God gives us and embrace it, not some of the time, but all the time. And the recall of where it comes from…. happening almost in an instant. In all situations that feeling quickly relieves me because I know its what God showing up feels like, that’s the way it works, and how it plays out in my life, all my life. That is how I know that it does strenghen us; I’ve experienced this more times than could be counted.  For a lot of people I’ve spoke to about this, its the only thing that helps. Knowing God is the only reason they are able to get to the feeling of strength building, and embrace feeling like its possible to get through even the most horrible, the most difficult things.

Again thats the only thing that helps me in times of trouble or challenge, there are lots of ways, as many ways as there people. At the very least Its a way to get started and if its not quite what feels right then hopefully you will at least gain momentum and confidence in finding and doing what works for you. Ive experienced getting through things this way, and Its what helps me through my fears; and what gives me the ability to love others no matter what. Honestly It sure does feel awesome when it feels like Joy is taking over when I otherwise would be crying, and not in a good way.  In pain; when the way is rough… even when its super rough, this works for me, and figure I will have faith and confidence in what I have described here because Ive seen it work.

This is still something I go through from time to time as new situations come, as I grow wiser and older. and realize joy in turmoil is strength, and then at that point I cannot help but laugh.  When you feel such joy in turmoil its hard not to laugh or at lease smile, true story!!! But seriously, even though that might seem like the opposite of what makes sense, its not, not really. It makes sense to find our own ways of working through life, and to know that in the depths of it all we can count on God, He just asks us to state our needs, and to be willing to be patient as He works it out for you. There is such joy in knowing this for sure! Then even though I already know lol,  I still end up wondering sometimes, “why do I need to repeat coming to that realization?”… because I feel it is when we know that, its that knowing, that faith, that is actually making it happen. Love is the medium of prayers after all; so its worth it! Make some little steps, like starting out simple, with honesty just with yourself….However you start it, it’s one of the best things we can do for ourselves. It’s important to love ourselves enough to at least test this. Why not, this is a start, and that faith, and truth are the only kind of start that will make those kind of changes happen.

Okay, so my day started out as one of my song sharing days….listening to lots of stuff, and I came across this song, “Honest” by The Neighborhood ( ) it was in the movie soundtrack from the movie “The Equalizer” I watched this weekend. I knew I had to share on FB as well as here in my blog.

Maybe it won’t seem the same to you, but for me, this song carries a message and its real, One of the THE MOST PRECIOUS PROMISES FROM GOD FOR US is that TRUTH FREES! I know, I know its so freaking hard sometimes, but the road leading away from a moment of truth, meaning after you share it, even if that road is a rough one the aftermath in a moment of truth is worth it!! ITS A PROMISE FROM GOD, that it will set, not just you, but so many in your life free,!! Start your new year out KNOWING & MOST IMPORTANT ~ BELIEVING, GOTTA BELIEVE that YOU CAN & WILL MAKE IT THROUGH DIFFICULT MOMENTS OF TRUTH, THAT GOD NEVER FAILS, I know this because I have experienced it. I lived a real testimony that forced me to learn this.

Just don’t go to that low moment, love yourself and most important for you; be honest with yourself, with others, and its most important to be honest with God cuz He already knows. To not have that talk is dishonest by omission.. cuz like I said HE KNOWS so to not say it in that silence of your mind, is not honest, its a lie in itself, and a lie to yourself.

That is the challenge that many times can come with with truth, but IT IS ALSO A PROMISE that A) its so worth it; YOU are worth it, and then B) ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST JESUS WHO STRENGTHENS US! Matt 19:26

I am not trying to preach, I’m sure it seems that way, But the truth is I am sharing a message for all, from God. This is what God wants for you who read this, receive it, then believe it.. Its a new year for all of us, so its a good time. Do it in secret if you have to but try it. Literally just be honest and start with God. Just sit quietly for a few minutes in the stillness of a quiet place you love. If you don’t have one, then make one.

Have you ever done that? Have you ever done that while thinking to yourself “its so quiet, I so wish God would present Himself, right here right now???” Cuz when you do that, HE WILL SHOW UP!!!! BAM!!! PERIOD!!!

Its awkward sometimes, especially if you haven’t done it, I can tell you that its still hard for me and it will always be, but I know, also from experiencing that… I know for a fact that everything is harder if you don’t. And you will not know what that feels like or looks like until you actually do it. So yeah maybe its not like that for you, but if you’ve not yet tried it, then again we have a false truth, an untruth. Lies hurt. AND MANY TIMES YOU WILL BE THE ONE WHO HURTS MOST. Lies can even kill>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> So AS A VESSEL FOR MESSAGES, AS A CHAPLAIN it is my responsibility to always do my best to be honest like that, it’s all God wants. For me its to go forth and share the messages God sends the Holy Spirit to give to me for people. That is why I became a chaplain, because its what God expects me to do, and because I have a heart for that, and the gift/burden to give messages as a vessel, to others through me, to you from God. And right now this is the message He wants me to give to those who read this. Everyone. THIS MESSAGE comes with a beautiful love, and thats cuz my love and God’s love are together in it for you all…………..

That is the message I get from the lyrics of this song ~ had to share it too ~
such a sweet & melodic & powerful!!!!
“Honest” by The Neighbourhood

 *** Its MY Manny’s birthday today. She is in Heaven. But with me too everyday. Happy Birthday Manny!! I’ll love you for an eternity, xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


I am a child of God.
I am blessed with gifts of the spirit, the HOLY SPIRIT!

I am not a prophet 
I am not a psychic.

I AM a messenger.

I AM a musician.
I AM a worshiper of God & Christ with body, mind, spirit, heart & soul.

I am not a fortune teller or crystal ball woman.
I am not able to use my gifts without the divine power of ~
MY Father God ~ YOUR Father God, OUR Father God.

I am the bearer of the best news ever.
I am a woman of absolute faith like a mustard seed.

I am a minister, a pastor.
I am given messages to be delivered; 
Holy Spirit to Holy Spirit

I am a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, Sister, Aunt….
I am a woman, just a girl, but wise the way God taught me to be.

I am so blessed being a vessel of God.
I am able to say that it is one of, if not the most, incredible things I’ve experienced.

I am also able to say that this is also a huge responsibility.
I am able to admit that in my humanness I fall short daily, but I never give up.

I will never stop serving God.
I will never stop praying for my country.

I will never believe that its too late for peace.
I will never stop telling the stories, with the evidence, of the divine intervention, of the most amazing, marvelous, magnificent, all powerful God.

I am called to spread the good news!
I am called to tell the stories that show that He loves all of us just the way we are!

I AM HERE to say that “Jesus will stand in the gap for all things between us and what is Holy.”

I AM HERE to say “You cannot see the wind, but you can see the evidence of it blowing through the trees.” 

I AM HERE TO SAY “AND SO IT IS WITH GOD. You may not “see” God, but you can see the evidence of HIs handiwork in our lives. 

I AM just a child; a chosen child of God!
I AM just a child of God; just like you…….

The Great Flood

I started this blog to share a year long experience I had that I survived by the grace of God and am responsible for sharing…. It happened in 2008, from 4 Jan -5 Dec; so I was home for Christmas Praise God!

Until it is done being shared I will continue to do so. But, Its still really raw, and sometimes it’s like I can just pick it up and dive in, and others…. I can’t find my start, I keep having tiny tears fall down…. but always they become joyful tears because God was there. He was there and it was so obvious and I was and am so grateful. I wear it like a crown because if I was too ashamed to talk about it how would I explain what changed or how I surveyed it all.

I just wanted to let y’all know that is why there isn’t a rhythm to it yet. I’ll get one; this is only the first few posts right?

I was posting an amazing pic of a painting the other day on FB. It is of a Deluje, The Great Flood. It’s actually the image that was the inspiration for our band pic/name, and both my husband and I have our same but different interpretations of  it as tattoos on our back.

As I started to a pic description a message came through. I want to share it with y’all here. I also want to dedicate it to my grandmother, my Manny. I see this picture and I think of her and then I am so utterly grateful because it is because of her I know what path to take, I know what to do when things are going wrong, I know where my grace comes from…. I watched her live it until the day she died. I try to emulate her when I can, it’s inspiring, oh how I wish I could share….

That’s why I write, so I can share and tell the stories I was born and built to tell.

With that said, this is the picture and the message I was given……

First my Dedication to my Grandmother, My Manny ~

I’m saying this here, with this picture, because it represents what my grandmother taught me while she was here on earth and I want the whole world to know!
I Dedicate this to her, the most amazing woman THAT EVER LIVED, in my humble opinion of course, Ms. Ruby Lynn Standifer.
Oh Praise God for what you taught me, a 1000’s times over and again I thank you for that because it shaped my heart and my life. Not a day goes by when I don’t connect with you. I hope that you are proud as you look down on me, my beautiful, crazy amazing, incredibly smart and creative and loving and so in love with God that it will last an eternity in my world, Manny. an eternity……. I love you so dearly only God knows….. catch my kiss & hug Manny

The Deluge exhibited 1840 by Francis Danby 1793-1861


Photo by Francis Danby. 1840
It is his interpretation of the Great Flood. You can see Noah’s Ark in the distance and in the moon light. You can see the great ball of hot, red fire that everyone in the deluge is headed for. In the bottom right corner you can see the lion & the serpent clinging together on the same branch while to their left the angel is grieving desperately over the death of a giant…
After it was all over, there was just silence…….
God hated the silence….. 

Even if it’s just a story to you, Noah’s Ark, its so full of wisdom, that this painting draws me in, how about you? Remember Danby finished it over a 170 years ago…. wisdom is timeless as is this painting and its story.
So, after the flood ceased, the sun came and again we were born into a new world and Noah & his family worshiped God and began to live again, our population grew again, and in time again it was too wicked to allow to continue….
It was Demonic and sick.

There was no Savior for all those who were lost, who would intervene and slay the evil one satan….
BUT then, then there was ONE. THERE WAS BORN A SAVIOR. He came and lived an example of what God would want and need of us here on earth. He cared so deeply and knew we needed such an example, and because He is so Holy, in His son He even sent us the difference maker, the One Who stands in that gap between us and Holy….. 

I love that He wanted to show us, that Jesus wanted to li
ve with us and show us just what was right and true as humans. Then He died and even rose again, and then He even left His precious spirit behind, His Holy Spirit behind to continue His great works, to continue to love and heal us in divine Acts of the power of God & LOVE of God.

But now…. now here we are again. How many look to the savior as an example of how to live? How many have a relationship with Him & with God? How many are spreading this good news? How many are worshiping God? How many are regularly thanking God for all His mighty blessings?
No one knows those numbers, but I KNOW IT’S NOT ENOUGH……

BUT, Praise God, we are here, in the BEAUTIFUL AMERICA, where this great land and our great people are given this great beauty and life giving resources! We are here and thus we can work together. WE can Pray together, and most important WORSHIP GOD together and individually.
You don’t need to go to church to do that. You don’t need to go to church to read His word to see what it holds for you, or to let your heart be filled with joy at the miracle that we are here and with our families, both blood & association; or to be thanking God for what we have and believing, REALLY BELIEVING, in FAITH (which btw is in what we do not see, remember?. Bottom line it’s that faith that is all that is required). JUST BELIEVE! Just try it… try to prove me wrong, please…. and He will provide!!!! HE WILL PROVIDE, HE WILL COME THROUGH, period. 

Our job is to wait and be ready. Come on y’all, truth give, how many of us actually wait? I’m willing to bet that almost all of us do not wait at all, if not long enough. And, truth give, Rough spots don’t count. Why would we expect anything different, when we live on an earth filled with evil? Truth give is that its our job to rise above it and do what is right and be good people. People of honor and integrity, no matter what for the sake of doing whats right!!

I know, I know this is a hardcore message. But it is the truth. I’m a truth finder. I am also a truth teller. I am a story teller. I have the stories with the proof… I am just one person. But I know others, I know others who want and are sharing their stories.

That is why I’m on this journey. I’m born & built to bring them to you, I’ve lived through so much and the one thing that got me through is God, Jesus standing in the gap, the Holy Spirit here/there with me, covering me and protecting me and guiding me. Bottom line it’s our attitudes, we all have our higher power and all that is important is uniting in what we have in common and loving the diversity. THE DIVERSITY IS WHAT GIVES US LIFE, right? No one wants a “stepford wife, or husband” 😉 for that matter lol.

I’m not perfect, no one is. The thing is though, Ive overcome every single tragedy in my life, and there has been a constant flow of them, and there will be more. The only difference is that I cannot stop thanking God for getting me through!! For the amazing life I have; the 7 beautiful healthy children He blessed me with who are all grown now, and the 9 grandchildren He blessed me with! There is not enough space anywhere to tell you all the blessings. So I tell the stories every chance I get.

I should be dead many times over, but I’m not. More stories, HA!….

I am here to share this message with you. That means I went through a lot to give it to YOU, the one reading this right now. GOD loves you beyond your comprehension. GOD LOVES YOU!!!!

Receive it, and just embrace it.


I just started this to give a pic description and this came through, so it is directly from the Holy Spirit to You! If you are not sure about all this or what to do, just message me and I’ll also share that with you. If you want/need prayer message me, I’ll pray for you!
please share this too ~  xoxox


One night while I was in the prison, almost 6 months at that point actually, a peculiar thing occurred. It still freaks me out to this day how it happened. I woke up suddenly from a fairly deep sleep; the deepest sleep possible all things considered. It literally was like snap and I woke up.

I laid there for a bit as a random poem literally flashed into my mind. I really, really didn’t want to move knowing that the second I did I’d be miserable trying to get settled again without waking anyone.

But I had to get it wrote down before I forgot it, and I’d have to be quiet as a mouse getting out my writing supplies. As I laid there this poem kept intensely nagging at me. I knew this was one of those rare moments in life when you receive something amazing and precious, and even a little bit divine.

I say divine because these words were only given to me; and I was just the vessel to share it. I knew for sure if I didn’t write them down at that very moment I’d lose it forever! So I very quietly got paper and pen and began to write down the poem just as it was given to me, exactly as I heard it, word for word, in the very pale glow of the night in the dorm……Broken

25 October 08 / midnight


I was broken into pieces; like being pinned between car and tree.

My heart was bleeding out all my love; my soul literally fading out of me.

If you’d seen me in that condition you’d have thought I’d never live.

But what no one could see, not even me, was the miracle of me learning to forgive.


Just as all the life I had left was almost completely gone,

I heard my Savior and My God calling me back,

“No, wait my child, you’ve not sung your last song”

Then “There’s still so much more for you to do, but that will come in time.

No brokenness is too great for Me sweet precious child of Mine!

Right here, right now, its time to heal as I embrace you in my love.

So close your eyes, rest in me, and let Jesus hold you up; as I heal you from heaven above”


It was as though the pain wasn’t happening to me;

As though it wasn’t my body, heart and soul feeling crushed between car and tree,

Instead I could feel the sweet, wonderful grace of God miraculously beginning to set me free.


As I closed my eyes I realized I’d been given another chance.

I’d live to love again, hold my children, and with my husband I would dance.

I’m healed now in every way, that was almost a year ago.

Anyone who sees me now would never have a way to know,

The condition I once was in, as now my new life began,

With my eyes on the cross as I go!


But the proof of it is that I survived at all after being broken up like that.

Because without the mighty hand of God theres no way I could’ve ever made it back!!

So believe me as I tell you there really is hope for ANYONE!

That hope is in God’s love for you and in His only risen Son!


The only thing required is that you make a simple choice.

So Just reach out to Him, He’s always there, and cry out in your loudest voice;

“My God, My Savior, please rescue me” and then to you HE WILL RUN!!

……….Then just let Him hold and heal you, feel His amazing grace,

Because now your new life too has just begun!……………

What Its Like On The Inside…..

Original cover

Original cover

Originally written 10 Jan 08~

“The walls in this place she was in engulfed her, ON EVERY SIDE. Almost completely made of cinderblocks and metal. All of it painted a putrid, sick, yellow that just didn’t quit…. There were 10 bunks, 2 tables, 1 sink/toilet/shower; shared by all. All made of metal. Startlingly, ice cold & shiny metal.

She shared this place with other women, the number changed daily.  But there were a couple, who like her, were there for a long time. The sounds were so overwhelming; gates and doors slamming, inmates and guards yelling. All hours of the day and night, literally. And those guards clanging their keys….almost as if just to tease her… But she knew they weren’t there to set her free.

A peek inside....

A peek inside….

At least not now. Not for a very long time. For what ended up feeling like a relentless, insidious nightmarish, never ending time. Then there were the lights. Always on, always bright, literally 24/7.

And it was so cold. She was so very cold all the time, no matter what she tried to stay warm. They kept it like that on purpose. They’re theory was that freezing inmates keeps them from fighting as much as possible; because then arms and hands are more likely to be pulled tightly to themselves for warmth as opposed to up in the air fighting someone, which happens constantly anyway.

She’d been in a place like this before… too many times. But obviously not enough; obviously, since here she was once again, and not just for a day or two this time.

365atw Top View

365atw Top View

The pain of her surroundings were just shy of unbearable. But nothing hurt as much, or was as difficult to deal with, as the pain of being locked away from her family. That alone felt as though she was dying. Dying from the inside out. A slow, miserable, tortuous death; that’s exactly how it felt to her.

ID BraceletID Bracelet for San Marcos Sheriff’s Office,
San Marcos, TX

She’d been in so much pain all through her forty-two years on earth, both physical and mental; but nothing had ever compared to the way she hurt now. The more it hurt the more she tried to put it into words… But there simply were no words to convey it. Bottom line was she had no idea how long she’d be there; she just knew each day was one too many.

The guards were mostly cruel; all but a rare few. It didn’t matter why you were there, or if you’d been proven guilty yet because to them all inmates are criminals; pure scum in their eyes. It was like the incarceration itself wasn’t enough punishment. The guards seemed to act as though their job was their personal mission to punish every inmate, every shift they worked. Each day she longed for her family; her children, her husband. Each day she cried out, but only quietly to herself, to be saved, spared…

In her heart though she knew no one would hear and if they did no one would care, not in that place. No one, except the God she still managed to have faith in. But also a God she knew was disappointed in her; a God she knew would not let her free anytime soon, and for good reasons.

She prayed to Him each day anyway, at the very least it seemed to bring some peace moment by moment. It was all she could do…for now. Each night before she closed her eyes and tried hard to fall asleep, she’d cross one more day off her hand made calendar,

Hand Made Calendar

Hand Made Calendar

wondering how many more make shift calendars would she make? How many more days would she cross off? How many more could she endure?”